The Internet keeps cutting out and other random stuff

I am so sleepy and tired, and I have no idea why I am still sitting here at the computer. Time Warner keeps dropping our cable connection. Piece of crap company.

I can hear Mark upstairs wrapping my presents. Jack is with him banging on the piano and singing "March! March! Ants!" at the top of his voice. He's so cute it kills me.

Speaking of cuteness, how cute is this photo? We went to the Trail of Lights and spun underneath the giant Christmas tree in Zilker Park. Jack loved twirling with his friend Avery!

Night Night!

Out Cold

Right Now: 32F (Feels like: 27F) Forecast: Hi 38 Lo 23

I had to work yesterday, and granted, I made a token gesture at Winter weather preparations. Knowing full well that it was going to sleet, I asked Mark to meet me at the office and then hang around with Jack on the north side of town to follow me home just in case. In case of what? I didn't want to linger on that thought for too long. Just - in case. I packed the car with two fleece blankets, a water bottle for myself and Jack, and his jacket. I have no winter coat for him, but it's only truly cold for maybe a few days out of the year, and I figured he wouldn't need one.

I forgot a few things though, such as a hat, coat, and gloves for myself, an ice scraper, and to fill up my car with gas. Can you see where this is going?

Once I got to work, I was in full blown Naturallycurly mode. I paid no attention to the weather and busied myself with all of the holiday orders and new product lines that had come in that day. Mark actually stayed around and helped for awhile, and then came back around 8pm. I found him outside diligently digging his small credit card into the sheet of ice that had blanketed the Jetta in the few hours I had been upstairs. I was appalled. Somehow, I had it in my head that it wouldn't really sleet. The temps were in the 20's with a wind chill hovering in the single digits. With no coat or hat, I threw a blanket over my shoulders and worked with Mark to de-ice the car.

Around 8:30, we headed out. I was so nervous, yet Jack sat in the back of the Volvo chirping happily about how much he loved Dora band-aids. Soon, it turned into a series of "I love oo Mommy's," followed by a very sweet soliloquy of how much he enjoys "big, big hugs!" His patience, adorable words and pure joy at being with me calmed me a bit as I passed dozens of fender benders, abandoned cars and jack-knifed 18-wheelers. We sat on Mopac near the Lake Austin bridge for 45 minutes waiting for a de-icing truck that never came. I was so low on gas I could see myself running out and being stuck on Mopac in freezing temperatures with a 2 year old shivering in the backseat. The thought had me paralized with fear. Finally, it the middle of south bound Mopac, I did a 3 point turn and slid slowly down the shoulder to the next exit. Mark and I carefully navigated our way through Austin avoiding major roads with overpasses and arrived safely at our house 2 hours later. The drive home normally takes 15 minutes.

We were lucky. We successfully avoided an accident, but the road was so littered them that I think my mom's spirit somehow guided me home. I tried to keep my cool so Jack wouldn't sense my panic. About an hour into the journey, Jack chirped "This is an adventure! I love ice!" god, I love my kid! He never lost his cheerfulness. He was fast asleep by the time we slid into the driveway and never awoke as Mark removed him from his carseat with shakey hands.

I have never been so afraid in my life.

Overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted

My friend Nichol just sent me this:

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck (written after she found out she was dying from cancer).
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."
There would have been more "I love you's." More "I'm sorry's."
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it live it and never give it back.
Stop sweating the small stuff.
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.
Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with. And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally. I hope you all have a blessed day.

And I cannot stop crying! This came to my inbox at a time when I have been struggling non-stop with my strong-willed 2 1/2 year old. I spend as much time trying to fight off the urge to strangle him as I do hugging him - and I am wondering if this is because when we are home together, I am always on the computer, cleaning the house, doing laundry and dishes... etc.. I don't spend nearly the time engaging him as I do holding him off while my arms are full of dishes. I feel like a rotten mother -

And wife. Case in point - I just spent 4 days away with my friends at a scrap-aholic festival in Minnesota. I come home only to start griping mentally about wanting to bolt again. This morning I dug out a sippy cup from underneath the driver's seat of the car. My husband must've left this in the car sometime over the weekend. When I went to open it to clean it out, moldy apple juice exploded all over my face, neck and clean shirt. Enraged, I called dear hubby and griped him out for his obvious neglegence. How hard is it to remove the cups from the car? Really - just remove them when you remove the kid from the car seat. I found out later that one of his programs broke at work, and he was already under pressure when I called.

I want to keep a clean house and be a good mother and wife and still have time for my own hobbies. I have a part time job and other assorted responsibilities, and I feel like I am losing my mind. Where's center ground? How can I be everything to everyone and still be me? How can I learn to let myself fall short? I'm having problems staying balanced.

So as I sit here wiping the last tear from my eyes and sniffing back the nice gooey snot that poured forth with the tears, I vow to just let things go. Relax. Be with my kid. Quit worrying about the inbox full of mail.

Etc...

Things I need to do before Minnesota:

* Organize desk
* Rework naturallycurly.com gift baskets
* Pack clothes
* Plan what in the name of bejezus to bring to scrap!

I'm almost 100% certain I'm going to bring stuff to do Thanksgiving/Christmas/Halloween cards, but it's still an overwhelming task. My friend Nichol has already pre-cut all of her cards! Sweet lord. She's always ahead of me... The girl doesn't mess around and is always so prepared. She makes everyone else look bad.

We just got in from a quick dinner. We had to leave a playdate with Jack's buddies, Noa and Avery because he kept hitting me. I told him to stop, so he looked at me and did it again, the turd. The whole way to dinner, he kept repeating "I no hit peoples!" Yeah.. Right... I wish he would not just say it but practice it. His hitting is driving me nuckin' futz.

Interesting to note: All of the electronic highway billboards were advertising shelters for Hurricane Katrina victims along I-10 on the way home. I need to go take a picture. As tragic as it is, we live in a place where history is unfolding before us.

I have got to get out of the house

I hate wasting time. I'm not much for sitting around the house, staring at the tv or visiting in a the living room for solid chunks of time. We've been doing that for the last 20 hours, and I'm starting to get a bit stir crazy. The only thought racing through my head right now is that I am losing precious hours to shop, scrap or clean my house. That's ridiculous isn't it? I should relish my time with my family rather than itching uneasily to get to the next thing.

I'm 31 and complaining that I am bored. There's just something wrong with that.

So this is my first post to a blog in over 3 years. No wait, make that 2 years. It's really hard to concentrate right now over the noise my 2 year old is making with a remote control car screaching over the Pergo in the entry way. We're in Houston right now visiting family, and Jack is happily entertained by his cousins leaving me free to sit at the computer. Ahh the computer ~ my virtual friend. I've missed chatting freely...

But I digress....

Some pertinent facts about me:

1) I like wine. Not a lot - but I indulge in a glass or 2 about once a month.
2) I scrapbook. I'm a freak about it... a fanatic... In fact, I'm travelling to Minnesota on Thursday with 2 of my best girlfriends to a scrapbook convention.
3) I'm a child of the 80s and remember a time before car seats when my mom would turn frantically around asking "Are you okay!?" after tossing me to the floor after a sudden stop.
4) I'm married. I live in a big house. I am lucky and blessed.
5) I'm trying to conceive a second child. Not having much luck. We're having issues.

Read on my fellow lurkers.. more tidbits from my life are sure to follow.